27 OCTOBER 1987

ɠ NAME� THI� FIL� AFTE� JEF� CHALMER� S� � WOUL� NO� FORGEԠ TH� �
NAME��  HŠ CAM� INT� M� LIF� JUS� ABOU� TW� WEEK� AG� TODA٠ AN� �
LEFT TWO DAYS AGO: PROBIBLY FOREVER.  

DURINǠ M٠ DA٠ OFƠ � COUPL� WEEK� AG� � WA� AԠ THŠ POINԠ O� �
KILLIN� MYSELF��  I� WA� ON� O� THES� DEPRESSION� THA� � HAV� NO� �
EXPERIENCE� I� YEARS�  DESPARATE�  � HA� FALLE� MADL� I� LOV� WIT� �
�� WOMA� WH� DI� NO� KNO� � EXISTE� (ANOTHE� THIN� THAԠ HAӠ NO� �
HAPPENE� I� YEARS)�  � HA� BEE� THINKIN� ABOU� HO� � WA� GOIN� T� �
DϠ I� AN� HA� DECIDE� THA� ASHPYXIATIO� I� TH� CA� WAӠ PROBIBL� �
THŠ BESԠ WAY�� ESPECIAL٠ CONSIDERIN� M٠ LOVŠ OƠ CIGARETTES�  �
CARBON MONOXIDE SEEMED VERY APPROPRIATE.   �
HAVIN� DECIDE�, IT STRUC� M� THA� � WA� NO� REALL� GOIN� T� D� IT�  �
� GO� ANGRY�  VER� ANGRY�  WHA� TH� HEL� WA� GOIN� ON�  HO� CA� � �
BE SO GOD DAMN MISERABLE?  THINGS HAVE GOT  TO CHANGE. THATS IT!  

I ROLLED OVER AND WANT TO SLEEP.

THŠ NEX� MORNIN� A� WOR� � GU� CAM� U� T� M� ASKIN� I� H� COUL� �
SWA� SOM� TICKET� FO� TH� CIRCU� (WORT� $8� � PIECE� FO� BALLARD� �
NEנ BOOˠ ABOUԠ  THŠ TITANIC��  H� SAIĠ HOנ HŠ WAӠ ALWAY� �
FASCINATEĠ BY I� AN� HA� REA� ALMOS� AL� THA� HAĠ BEEΠ WRITTE� �
ABOU� IT��  A� W� TALKED� WHIC� WA� FO� ONL� � FE� MINUTES� � DI� �
NOԠ SA٠ NϠ RIGHԠ AWA� AN� B� TH� EN� OƠ THŠ CONVERSATIOΠ � �
AGREED��  HI� BOOT� FO� SELLIN� TH� CIRCU� TICKET� WA� RIGH� DOW� �
THE HALL AND HE SAID TO STOP BY SOME TIME AND TALK.         

� LITTL� LATE� � NEEDE� T� TAK� � BREA� AN� WEN� OVE� T� SE� HIM�  �
JEFƠ IӠ � MARKETIN� DIRECTO� FO� TH� CLYD� BAIL� COLŠ BROTHER� �
CIRCUS�� "LARGESԠ UNDE� TH� BI� TOP"��  HI� JO� I� T� G� INTϠ � �
TOW� AHEA� O� TH� SHO� AN� SE� U� AL� TH� PUBLICITY� SEL� ADVANC� �
TICKETӠ ANĠ SUCH��  H� AN� ANOTHE� GUY, MARK,WH� ɠ MEԠ LATER�� WER� �
STAYIN� I� TH� RAMAD� IN� U� TH� STREET�� � MENTIONE� THA� ɠ HA� �
LIVE� I� TH� HOLIDA� IN� FO� SI� WEEKS��  W� HI� I� RIGH� OF� AN� �
DECIDEĠ T� G� OU� T� EA� TOGETHE� LATE� SINC� W� WER� BOTȠ OUT-�
OF-TOWNERS.  

JUSԠ AӠ � WA� GETTIN� OF� WOR� H� SHOWE� U� AN� W� HEADEĠ OUT�  �
AӠ W� WER� DRRIVIN� T� TH� HOTE� I� STARTE� T� OCCU� T� MŠ THA� �
JEF� WA� GAY��  'HOL� SHIT� � WONDE� I� H� THINK� � AM?'�  B� TH� �
TIMŠ W� GO� U� T� HI� ROOM�� WHER� BOT� H� AN� MARˠ WER� SLEEPING�� � WA� SUR� O� I� AN� THOUGH� � HA� BETTE� �
SA� SOMETHING��  S� I ASKE� HIM�� JEFF� AR� YO� GAY�  YES�  THE� � �
TOL� HI� � WA� NO� BU� THA� � HA� � BROTHE� WH� WAS�  W� WEN� OU� �
T� EA� AN� � HA� � FANTASTI� TIME� W� TALKE� ABOU� EVERTHING� BU� �
A LOT ABOUT SEX, LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS. 

THAT WAS THE START OF A COUPLE VERY INTENSE WEEKS.